Praising the Lord in the Hard Times: When Tragedy Strikes

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God and I had a bit of a reckoning not too long ago. I was in adoration at a retreat and filled with so many questions. I rested my head on the edge of the pew in front of me and let myself cry while asking God question after question. People around me seemed to be having their questions answered, they were finding their way, they were experiencing Jesus in a way they maybe never had before. But not me. For the first time in a long time I felt as if I couldn't trust Jesus. I had been in need of healing and was not receiving it. How could I trust Him if I was hurt and not helped? 

 A religious sister I was praying near leaned over and whispered to me. "Did you remember to give Jesus your heart after?" I was confused. What did she mean after? Picking up on my confusion, she explained to me that oftentimes when we first encounter God we are able to build a child like dependency on God. When we experience a tragedy, it can cause part of us to grow up. We can become adults and lose that dependency that we had with God. It becomes easy to doubt His love for us and we wonder if we can really trust Him. It is in these times especially that we need to give our hearts to the Lord. She then asked again if I had given my heart to Jesus after I experienced the pain I was wrestling with in adoration. I told her I had and said thank you, and we continued to talk for a moment. As I walked through the rest of the retreat, this sister's words stuck with me. 

How many times have we withheld our hearts from the Lord because we felt as though we could not trust Him? How many times have we doubted His love for us? How often have we held back because we were scared and unsure? When we do this we become like the apostle Thomas in a way. Put yourself in his shoes for a moment. He had lost his best friend, his teacher, the person he believed to be the messiah, the son of God, who would bring about the deliverance of his people. He followed Jesus closely for years. You can imagine how heavy his heart must have been when Jesus died. The death of Jesus caused Thomas to grow up. The tossup of loss, questions, emotions, and heartache caused Thomas to doubt when his brothers shared with him that Jesus had risen. Thomas had seen miracles, He knew what God could do. Yet, he doubted. 

It's easy to doubt the love of God when we experience hardships, but what matters the most is that we cling to God through it. Every cross is a chance to give your whole heart to God, whether that be for the first time, or the millionth time. Every loss is a chance to hold onto Him even tighter. Every hardship, a chance to rest in Him. Jesus is loving you through this. He is offering you healing and rest and consolation. All you need to do, is trust that His love is enough, and receive it. 


See you in the Eucharist, 

May 



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