Reflections From the Mission Field: The Beach

Hello friends! Today's reflection is a story, not a personal experience. I wrote this during a rough time. It's sort of my spin on the story "Footprints in the sand." I hope you enjoy it! 

See you in the Eucharist, 

May

 I listened to the waves come in, crashing, and receding again. I steadied my shaky breath to match the waves pattern. The beach had always been my choice place to calm down, the calm water and the sand under my feet always seemed to help me unwind. I was tired from the demands of my life, and my heart had been broken by the various struggles I had been facing. Worst of all, I had no one to turn to. I drew another breath and exhaled. I looked around me, no one was here. 

“Why am I so alone,” I finally cried out to the air.

“I’m here,” said a soft warm voice, from behind me “Right here.” 

“Where have You been all this time? I’ve been struggling, this has been the hardest part of my life and You are nowhere to be found.” 

“I have been here this whole time my dear. I’ve not left once.” He said gently. 

“Why can’t I see You then? Why haven’t You helped me?” I asked. I wasn’t trying to accuse Him, but I was. 

“Have you looked for Me, little one? Have you sought Me in your despair or your sadness?”

“I have, every day I seek You!” I cried. 

“Where have you sought Me? Have you sought Me, or what you want Me to be? Have you come to me with your whole heart, or did you withhold your heart from Me?” He asked. I could tell by the air of His voice that He was not accusing me but asking me honestly. I felt convicted. I had not been searching for Him truly, I had been looking for what I wanted from Him. I hadn’t come to Him with my whole heart either, I had only come to Him with the parts I wanted Him to see. 

“I-I’m so sorry.” I said softly. My eyes welled up with tears. I was ashamed of what I’d done. 

“I forgive you dear child, and I always will.” He said lovingly. “I’ve been here this whole time. May I ask you, are you not here at this beach right now? This special place I made in the beginning? Are you not here seeking rest?”

“I am,” I said, almost confused. 

“How did you get here?”

“I walked.”

“How did you learn to walk?”

“Well I suppose first I had to crawl.”

“And how did you learn to crawl?” 

“I had to learn to sit up on my own.”

“How were you able to sit up?”

“With the help of my parents.”

“And where did your parents come about you?”

“Well, they gave birth to me. You gave me to them.”

“Would you be able to walk had I not allowed you.” 

“No, I wouldn’t.” 

“If you couldn’t even walk without Me, then who do you think carried you through your hardships? I’ve been here this whole time. Giving you everything you need to get through each day. I have not left you. I’ve been here helping you, sustaining you every moment, because I love you.” He said, smiling a little bit.

I felt silly. All this time I thought He had left me, but He had really been the only reason I was able to get through my hardships. 

“I’m here, right here, my child. When you close your eyes, I’ll still be here. When you look away, I’ll be here too. When you leave here, I will be with you. When you try to walk away from me, I will be with you still. There is nowhere you can go where I will not be with you. I will be with you always.” He said. 

He opened up His arms. I ran into them like a little child running to her father. In Him I found rest. Every worry and fear fell away, as did all my sorrows. I ran to Him with my whole heart giving Him control over everything. I no longer felt alone, for I had everything.